More Time = More Work…
Hello, I am grateful recovering addict named TJ. Recently, I have been reflecting on what a blessing it is to have received such a tremendous amount of freedom from being an active member of Narcotics Anonymous for a little over 11 years.
I realize, in the beginning the only form of GOD I had in my life was the anagram of G.O.D. which stood for the Gift Of Desperation. That is what truly allowed me to become grateful and grow humble in the early days of recovery which more often than not sucked and over a lot of obstacles and self-imposed roadblocks I would resist change & stumble. See in the beginning, it was the bare-minimum end of the work spectrum I would subscribe to: I barely called my sponsor, didn’t go out of my way to read or share too much, and basically only went to meetings out of necessity and expectation that “it was what I had to do”. Well, somewhere along the way that desperation turned to gratitude. I found myself learning what made my addiction tick through stepwork. I gained a sense of self-awareness through writing heartfelt honest responses to the tough questions that gave me the answers I was looking for in using drugs obsessively and compulsively for so many years. Shockingly, actually talking to other addicts with experience and listening to what they had gone through started to help me feel connected, and my faith started to grow!
I found that being in service was a HUGE help to breaking the habit of self-centered behavior, helping set up a big home group one chair at a time (haHAha!) kept the “go get high” thoughts out my mind. I felt important, needed, and most of all: GOOD! And here’s the ironic thing, I wasn’t even “feeling” good, I was actually quite sluggish, tired, unenthused most of the time but I was DOING something good, and useful, for the group so that actually got me feeling good. Seeing that going to this homegroup early to help set-up the meeting, organize the literature, fold meeting lists, and later: make the coffee (coastin’ & roastin’ I call it!) got me so far beyond excited than I ever believed any menial task could! It later would lead to me being willing to go early EVERY week, hug every person I would see walking through the door, and making sure each cup of coffee made had an energy of love in each drop for sure! That early service experience in the potentially-dismal first year pulled me out of my self-pity (as well as my house where I was usually just wasting time laying around) and got me into true involvement with the N.A. spiritual committee!
So since I had joined that home group, I then became a GSR and learned about area. After that, I got involved with the literature supply and H&I subcommittees. Years have now gone by, these forms of service strengthened my participation in what I now call the 3 S’s of SucceSS in Narcotics Anonymous: Step work, Sponsorship + Service. And guess what? As more time has come, through the help of the WE, I have decided to be involved on deeper levels as I stay and do more work. I do not want to make the mistake of simply settling with a little bit of freedom and stepping out of an active role in all the areas of that I’ve not only grown in, but have undeniably helped me grow within.
Today, 11 years and 11 days later as I write this, I can tell you I’m not only willing to keep doing more work, but the work that I’ve done has given me a true love & appreciation for what life is! A labor that lets me selflessly sow the seeds and spread the fruit of the harvest to all I see! That is the secret to being Happy, Joyous And Free for me!
I am still at that home group every Sunday night, I continue to make the coffee (come early & stay late), have kept an H&I commitment and area service commitment consistently to this day, work steps with my sponsor and sponsees, and genuinely try to contribute to the spirit of goodwill and practice these principles in all my affairs to keep the energy + enthusiasm growing while my spirit keeps glowing!
Do More Work With More Time And Life & Recovery Will Continue To Shine!
*tj* SJ NA 11.11.2018